Could i return him a favor ?

Do you remember the time i was broke down that i didn't even want to live anymore ?
Do you still remember the boy who kept on telling me "Come on, V, you can make it through! You may not give up. You always have me here by your side" ?
Do you remember the boy who kept on repeating "We're one" ?
Do you remember the boy who told me "We will pass this through together" ?
That boy remains here in my little heart, always.

i keep telling myself without feeling bored this sentence :

" Life may knock you down,
but you may not give up "

You may fall for a thousand times,
but never stop to rise up for the one thousand and first times.
You have no idea what you will get til the next time you rise up.

A simple ordinary boy could ever be my hero,
he gave me spirit to live my life,
he gave me power to pass the life's hindrance,
he gives me faith, warmth, care and love.
Can i return him a favor, my Lord ?
Bless him,
my precious one.

It moves here and there..,

When the memories playback into my mind,
it bleeds again.
Yet i know, bleeding has been something so usual for my little heart.
At least, i keep telling myself this is the process of life i have to work on with.
Everyone has to work on with this process, and this is my process.
Everyone can make it through, so i know im strong enough to pass this.
i hesitate with everything i have now when they playback.
With every care, love, and warmth he gives me,
im too vulnerable to recognize so much fantasy of love,
yeah, i keep telling myself to keep my feet on the ground.
So, even if i have none to hold me, i have my own self to hold me on the ground.
im not brought up to be vulnerable..,
i have to mend my own shield, and keep a self of mine strong.

Lord,
give us the best.

It is a yes..

The baby boy i heart so much now :)

Sometimes the memories flash back into my mind, and cause the pain within this chest elapses again.
Yeah, honestly i hate this.
i hate to remember everything, i hate to reminisce the memories, i hate the memories when 30th July 2009 was over.
i hate the pain.
i loath the fear.
i detest the solitary i felt.
i loath the self of mine after 30th July 2009 was over.
Even i hate to know everything that i wish i had never ever known, but i know i can't help myself but keep moving on..
i have learnt from the pain, the tears, the sorrow.
At least, i've learnt to become strong.
Standing by my own seems easier after all.
:)

And, i really thank some guys who helped me through the horrible months.
i promise you, i will never ever let myself being so break down again.

Even after all the months,
i question myself whether i love you,
my little heart whispers me a sweet little word..
It's a yes , i still love you, baby boy :)

Call this Life

Hey, bloggies..
How are your days ?
i have lot of things that i want to share indeed, but i just don't have the passion to tell you my activities.
Well, school things, friends, indeed that's all.
We're working on our drama, and we had the act on Friday afternoon after school on the dance room as we were not allowed to use classroom.
i don't how it will work on later, as we haven't finished to act all the scenes, and anyway, im the main actress.
-.-'
i need to re-type the dialogues for the teacher's hand in tomorrow,
and need to memorize the whole dialogues.
Gosh!
But overall, i love it.

And, today i actually had tuition for physic, and i had actually planned to get back into drawing tuition today.
But i couldn't make it this morning, i had terrible headache, and crap !
i just missed 2 tuition today.
i don't know whether i should join drawing tuition or not, but i really consider myself to be busy.
i mean, i need to busy myself, i have to cut off my online time.
Crazy rite? -.-
Yeah, im such a nerd.

With some friends troubles?
i really have no idea what to do, i just don't know how to start this and how to straighten everything.
Everything seems so wrong from everywhere it looks.
Indeed, i don't think im the one who is guilty here, but okay im the one who cause the trouble now.

And, a week to go to CNY, well really, i don't have the spirit here, not this year.
i guess just exactly what i felt last year, maybe because i have grown up, and indeed, the point of CNY has always been about the red pockets :p
And, for me? Red pockets doesn't mean like something so much anymore.
i don't know why really, but seriously everything seems so flat recently.

i do have some quarrels with my baby,
haa.
But just enjoy it,
i guess everything is turning better now.
He lately becomes my boy again, he doesn't get on the line often, he prefers to just stop ol on the FB, and he tries to accompany me til late nite in msn as often as possible.
i don't know why he does so, sometimes i think he's way too good for me.
haha
But, ah..
i don't mind with every sweet thing..
i have learnt something from what had happened, and
i change.

Well,
that's all readers.
Enjoy my writings ?
Thank you :)
Sometimes im ashamed when people say they read my blog,
i will just feel like 'Oh My God, my posts are boring, my English is bad, my stories are overall stupid'.
But as time moves on, even i never know who does really read my blog,
i just want to share my thoughts here.
No matter what people will judge, this is me.
Hate me ?
Up to you.
Love me ?
Thank you :)

Only if..

Sometimes, it needs more than sincerity to show love..
Sometimes, it needs logical minds in it..
And when everything goes wrong in every way you see it from,
you know you are totally lost in it.
You know you have no way out but to keep moving on..

And sometimes, when someone who you expect to be the one who will accompany you through days and nights is not the one who will be your bf, and when you have to lose someone you had ever considered as a best friend, and when everything has to be broken up because of misunderstanding..
You know, you are totally lose in the game.

Sometimes, when nothing can ever tempt your sense to get into some group talks anymore,
sometimes when you find out you are never happy but flat indeed as the laughter comes and just simply goes as you face away from friends, sometimes people just don't understand why some love to spare themselves alone listening to their mp3 and staring vacantly at sky..
Sometimes, people don't understand..
People don't understand why the girl they consider as the most happy girl will be found crying alone in somewhere quiet.
That indeed, everyone needs cares and loves.
But not everyone does have the chance.
And indeed, loves and cares don't have to always be something that you get from your bf, they sometimes come from your closest buddies, indeed :)

Only if people saw the world better,
teens wouldn't have choose to suicide just because they think nobody cares them.
Only if people could see the world better..,
might the world be a better place already..